’twas the Night Before C-Section

How is it even possible that I’m sitting here, knowing that in less than 12 hours I will become a mom to two little boys? I genuinely can’t believe that I’m 37 weeks pregnant, and that tomorrow my sons will be born. I feel like my pregnancy has absolutely flown by, and has actually been a pleasant experience.

January

The third trimester started with the good news that I had passed my Glucose Screening. I was absolutely floored because I expected to fail based on my diet alone. I indulged in treats during the holidays, and was not eating healthily. My appetite never increased after my first trimester, so I wasn’t eating much, and didn’t bother to watch what I did eat. But, no issues, even after every doctor warned me that I was very high risk.

Work continued to go well, and I was able to maintain my same activity level. I was even going to the gym 2-3x per week. I had lots of energy, and even though I was carrying twins, a lot of people couldn’t tell that I was pregnant.

I had a total of 5 baby showers in January. My friends shower was held at my moms house and was amazingly perfect. That Sunday our friends from Pokemon Go held a small gathering to celebrate our impending arrivals. The following weekend was my family shower down in LA. I was so grateful to be feeling well because I had been nervous about the 3 hours of travel time, but it all worked out just fine and the shower was wonderful. At the end of the month both Hubby and I had a shower at our work places. I can’t get over the generosity people have shown towards us and our boys.

New Years Eve pic by our friends tree.

February

February started out with the rough news that Hubby’s job was basically laying him off. He has been with the same company for over 20 years, and one of their main contractors was apparently not paying their bills, but had instead declared bankruptcy. After awhile, Hubby’s company could no longer cover the costs of their employees, and so they said that no one could work on overhead. For the entire month he got paid less than 100 hours, and unemployment has yet to kick in. We have the feeling his company will bounce back, but we don’t know how long it will take. To be truthful, paternity leave will be a relief because at least he will have a consistent paycheck (small, but at least regular), and hopefully after 6 weeks his company will be getting back on it’s feet.

My parents sent us away on a baby moon in February. We just went to a local hotel, but it was an awesome night. We got donuts and played board games, which was a perfect evening for us. We also saw Aquaman, which was terrible, but I tried to enjoy it, knowing that it would be awhile until we got to go to the movies by ourselves again.

One of our friends generously offered to take maternity photos for us and they turned out amazing. We have had some very wet weather for CA, and so the settings for the photos were perfect.

February was also the month I discovered that my work’s short term disability, which is the only “paid maternity leave” I receive, is pretty awful. Basically, I go out on leave, and for the first 30 days I have to use vacation or sick time, even though the reason I’m out on leave is because of short term disability. Then, after 30 days my short term disability pay begins, but since it has already been going during the time I’m forced to use my leave, I only receive the remaining amount of time. Basically, if my dr puts me out on short term disability for 8 weeks (typical for a c-section), I will only receive 4 weeks of short term disability pay. Because of this, I decided to start my maternity leave at 36 weeks.

At 35 weeks I came down with the cold from H*LL. This thing was awful. It started innocently, like any other cold, and then I was hit with exhaustion, unbelievable amounts of congestion, and a cough that led to fluid in my lungs. It hit during my last full week of work, and I had to take almost two full days off because I simply couldn’t function. And, of course, as I finally started to get better after 10 days, hubby came down with the cold as well. At least I know now that the way I was feeling wasn’t in my head, because he has been terribly sick for almost a week. I’m almost entirely better after two weeks, with just a light cough which hopefully won’t be too terrible while healing from my c-section.

The past week, my one week of maternity leave before the boys arrive, has been so necessary for my mental health. Hubby and I had undertaken a huge number of projects and they were not complete, and our baby supplies were piled (mostly still in boxes) in our living room. I haven’t slowed down too much, but it was definitely difficult to keep up the pace at work, so it was nice to be able to slow down this week. My mom came over almost every day to help me organize and assemble things, and I’m leaving for the hospital in the morning knowing that we’ll come home to an organized mess. Before she had helped me, things were an impossible disaster, so this is definitely an improvement.

Left- Feb 1 Right- Feb 28

The boys have been doing amazingly well. Since late January I have undergone non-stress tests twice a week at the same hospital where I will deliver, and the boys have been perfect every time. However, they haven’t moved since 20 weeks. Baby A is still breech, and Baby B is Transverse, hence the need for a c-section. While they are doing the c-section tomorrow, I have also decided to have my tubes tied. I feel so incredibly lucky that I was able to have a successful round of IVF, and I am incredibly grateful that hubby and I get to be parents. But, going through another pregnancy is not a good option for me. Between my clotting disorder (and I shouldn’t go on BC because it can increase the risk of clots), and the depression and anxiety I suffered because of IF, I decided that this would be the best and really only option for me. I couldn’t go month to month with no BC, knowing that I could possibly get pregnant; this would put me right back in the IF headspace. I’m so content with the idea of my two boys, and they are enough for me. Hopefully this choice will immediately end any conversation someone wants to have about their friend who had TTC and then miraculously got pregnant with their next child. No tubes= don’t have to worry about pregnancy.

Ok, I should probably be going to bed since I need to be up at 5:00am. Hopefully I’ll get some sleep, and I will try to write more often once the boys are here. I can’t believe that the next time I sign in I’m going to be a mother!!

Pregnancy Progress- 22 Weeks

Here I sit, 22w4d pregnant with healthy twin boys. I can’t believe that I’m here. After years of treatments, and months of testing once I conceived- everything is going fine. It’s surreal, and also completely amazing.

I realized that in all my posts about testing, I haven’t talked much about my pregnancy. I’ve been told over and over how high risk I am, and yet, my pregnancy has been uncomplicated. I really don’t mind being pregnant at all. I haven’t had any spotting, cramping, or really anything to be concerned about, and at todays OB appointment my blood pressure was normal, so at least for now I can write off preclampsia.

I have had a few annoyances with this pregnancy. Firstly, I experience congestion daily, and this has often been accompanied by minor nose bleeds. Also, in the morning I spit up phlegm in the shower and it is usually bloody. Sorry, probably TMI, but I want to record this in case someone else experiences the same thing. My OB says that it’s normal and as long as I’m not experiencing any prolonged bleeding, this is nothing to worry about.

Sleep has been very uncomfortable. I have to sleep on my side which makes my hips hurt, even with a support pillow. I’ve also started experiencing minor sciatic pain in the last week, but this is something I’ve dealt with pre-pregnancy, so I’m not very bothered by it. I’ve started seeing my chiropractor to keep things adjusted as my pregnancy progresses.

I am still working out 2-3 times a week. The class instructor has been amazing at helping me figure out alternatives for my chest, triceps, and abs now that I can’t lie on my back for these segments of the class (causes back pain). I really think working out has helped, because I haven’t lost any mobility yet.

I have been genuinely happy during my pregnancy. Even when waiting for the test results, my stress only came out in restless sleep. When awake I felt calm. Things haven’t been easy lately, Hubby’s step mom is in the ICU with kidney failure and her liver is shutting down. She is an alcoholic so I guess this stuff happens. We’re hoping that she pulls through, but preparing that she may not. Also, my Dad has been getting worse- he has a newly diagnosed nerve disorder, and it’s pretty scary. I’m hoping they can get him on meds soon to help with his symptoms. Despite these concerns, I’m still feeling at peace with everything.

I haven’t gained much weight yet either, I think because my appetite is small. I’m only up 6 pounds from when I found out I was pregnant. I still feel like I look more fat than pregnant, but I’m sure my belly will “pop” sooner than I expect. I can’t wait to fill out my maternity clothes a bit more.

The cats have been pretty indifferent to my changed state, except for Chairman. He has become very clingy, and he loves to lay across my belly. He also sleeps wth me every night, and even stays when I switch positions and disturb him. I’m also still cleaning the litter boxes, and just being careful to wash my hands immediately after.

Hubby has undertaken the enormous task of replacing the carpet in our three bedrooms with laminate. I’m trying to be patient with his progress. I feel confident that the flooring will be done before the babies get here.

I’m having three baby showers: one at work, one locally with friends, and one down in LA with family and close family friends. I’m nervous about traveling to LA when I’m 31 weeks pregnant, but hopefully I’ll still be feeling ok and will be able to make the trip.

So, yea, so far pregnancy really agrees with me. I’m interested to see how things progress over the next few weeks. Overall, I’m just really grateful to be experiencing any of this.

 

Finally!

Let’s see, I left off on the day we got the call that the hospital needed to talk to a geneticist about Baby Bs results. The following day, I got a call that the results from my genetic test from 2015 were not clear (as in, the copy wasn’t detailed enough to help). Because of this, the hospital wanted me to come in and give a sample of my blood so they could grow my cells and do a comparison between me and what they were seeing on Baby Bs 21st chromosome.

Hubby had to work, so I recruited my mom to go with me. It’s almost 180 miles each way to the hospital, so I was frustrated that they needed to do the extra test, but I was also glad that they were being so thorough, and I tried to focus on that. The drive was LONG, but at least they got me in quickly, and the incredibly sweet nurse who had been there for my amnio was the one who took my blood and even gave me a hug, which was pretty amazing and very much needed.

My friend JS was supposed to drive down with her family to visit us that weekend, but I knew I would be a mess because we were waiting AGAIN for test results, so I asked her to postpone. Instead, I spent the weekend sleeping a lot and cleaning the house, just trying to stay busy.

On Monday we had our 20 week anatomy ultrasound. My parents were there, along with hubby. Both babies were so active, and kept getting in the way when the tech was trying to get measurements. It was confirmed again that I’m carrying two boys, and their scans looked normal. I do have to go back in a few weeks so they can get some more measurements because my boys didn’t cooperate for everything, but I don’t mind getting to spend more time staring at my babies.

Baby A-smiling

Handsome Baby B

On Thursday afternoon the hospital called, which was actually much sooner than I had expected to hear from them. After the weeks of waiting and drama… both babies are fine!!! I’m carrying two healthy baby boys!!

I’ve been on cloud 9 since I found out. It feels like I haven’t really breathed properly since we started TTC so many years ago. I know most women are worried and preparing for their baby’s arrival at this stage, but I am just so relieved I can’t even really think about the logistics of actually raising two little humans. I’m sure that time will come (I hope), but for now, I am too in awe and grateful to be in this moment.

Waiting… and still waiting

Wow, so I did not realize that I hadn’t posted anything after I underwent amnio. There is a LOT to catch up on. Be prepared for a lot of drama with no resolution yet, because that has pretty much been my whole October.

So, to start, we had scheduled our Amnio appointment in LA for a Thursday, so that I would only have to miss one day of work. They were supposed to call me before the appointment to tell me when to stop my blood thinner ahead of the amnio. Well, they hadn’t called so I called them two days before the appointment, having postponed my morning dose that day. It turns out that I needed to be off my blood thinner for 96 hours before amnio, so we would have to reschedule. Since I had skipped the Tuesday dose, we moved the amnio to Friday, which would mean two days off work the following week.

We drove down on Friday and the amnio went well, although they were running 30 minutes behind which sent my anxiety through the roof. They started with a thorough anatomy scan where both babies looked good, and we got a good idea of what the sexes were as well. The amnio itself wasn’t nearly as scary as I thought it would be, and the “giant needle” was the size that we used to administer my PIO injections, so not a big deal. They took a lot of fluid from each sac, and after Baby A, they actually injected a blue dye into the sac so that they could make sure the fluid they withdrew from Baby B was from the correct sac.

After Amnio we drove straight home, and I proceeded to lay on my back and not really move until Monday. Then I took it easy and binge watched Riverdale until I went back to work on Wednesday. We had opted to pay for extra testing that would look at the gene level of the babies ($500 extra per baby), just in case there were any issues it would give them more information so that we could make an informed decision if there was a problem.

We were supposed to receive these results on Friday 10/19, but the call didn’t come and I decided to not press the issue because my birthday was the next day and hubby’s birthday was on Sunday, and I didn’t want to find out anything that could ruin our weekend. I wanted until Tuesday to call, and when I did, I was told that there was a problem. Apparently I experienced a contraction during one of the samples, and a bit of my blood had gotten mixed in with the amniotic fluid. I knew about this, but had been told after the procedure that it was no big deal. Well, apparently it meant that they needed longer to process the sample, which meant that we might not have our results before we announced on Halloween (and the general amnio results would be processed ahead of the extra gene results we had paid for).

I called them on Friday and was told the results were not ready yet. Monday and Tuesday, same response, which leads us to today. We woke up and immediately called our parents to let them know the genders so that they would know before we announced it to the world (my mom had spent the weekend before guilt tripping me to try and get me to tell them the gender, which was infuriating and highly inappropriate, but I digress). Then our announcements went up on Facebook and Instagram, with the following text:

After 7 years battling infertility, we are so excited to announce that our IVF baby boys are due March 2019

We weren’t 100% certain on the genders from the ultrasound, but were confident enough to announce anyway because I’m 19w3d at this point. As hubby had pointed out to me, we could always post a retraction to anything we announced. After a full day the post has over 250 likes and almost 150 comments. The morning was filled with elation over the reception of our happy news….

…and then the hospital called. First they confirmed the genders- two boys. Then told me that one of the babies is fine, but that they need to talk to the geneticist who did the testing a few years back which revealed my wonky 21st chromosome before they can tell us if the other baby is ok. I have spent the rest of the day in a daze, with each new congratulations getting harder to swallow. Hubby felt the same way, and we both regret announcing ahead of knowing our results. What if we find out tomorrow that there is a problem and then we have to terminate one of the babies, and then we have to tell everyone that we lost a baby?

While I’ve felt like I’ve handled this stress ok, hubby can attest otherwise. He has chosen to sleep on the couch all week because apparently on Sunday night I was hitting him in my sleep, and on Monday I was whimpering all night. It doesn’t help that I came down with a cold last week and am coughing and wheezing in my sleep as well.

I’m so ready to feel like celebrating these babies, and for a few hours today I got to experience that feeling… but now I’m back to worry. I am so disappointed that I haven’t gotten to really enjoy my pregnancy so far, especially because it has been easy so far *knock on wood*. Every Dr I’ve seen has told me how high risk my pregnancy is, and yet I haven’t had anything abnormal occur the whole time. I now regret not spending the money to have the frozen embryos tested. If I’d know that my genetics would have made a blood test impossible for determining the health of these babies, I would have opted to pay for peace of mind.

So, no resolution tonight, but hopefully we’ll have answers tomorrow, and even more, hopefully that answer will be that both babies are just fine, and we can finally start enjoying this time of our lives.

Further Testing

The last few weeks have gone by in a blur. I had my first visit with my OB’s office about two weeks ago. Their practice houses four doctors, and even if you know who you want to see, you have to see each of the Dr’s at least once. I met with a perfectly nice Dr, but he didn’t know anything about my clotting disorder (Factor V Leiden) or the blood thinner I am on, and he had never heard of a Natera test result of “no results”. Also, their ultrasound machine sucked so I didn’t get any new pictures of the babies. I was told to gain between 15-20 lbs total throughout my whole pregnancy, since I’m already considered “obese”. I nodded at that one and tried not to laugh. I haven’t put on any significant weight yet, but I’m growing TWO human beings and I expect that once the weight starts coming, I’m going to have a tough time limiting my weight gain by that much.

The following week Hubby and I drove to LA for our amnio consult. The genetic counselor we met with was nice, and explained everything quite well. Hubby and I had talked this topic over quite a lot in the almost two weeks since we’d gotten our wonky results, and had decided that we would do Amnio of there was no other blood test we could try instead. And, there isn’t another blood test, so we have Amnio scheduled for next week, 10/11. I’m scared, but the risk is very low that anything would go wrong with/after the procedure, so I’m trying to remind myself of that. They suggested one day of bedrest, and to take it easy (no lifting more than 5 lbs) for 5 days after the procedure. So, I’m putting myself on bedrest for 5 days. Better safe than sorry.

After the appointment hubby and I decided to kill time because it was 4:00pm and we knew if we got into traffic it would take just as long to get home as it would if we waiting for 3 hours. So, we went to see a movie, and during the movie my RE called with the results for the other blood test. I had no risk of Trisonomies 13 and 18, but there was an elevated risk of Trisonomy 21. This could be because of my wonky gene or age or any number of things, but all this result told me was that we had made the right decision when we decided to move forward with Amnio. After the movie we got dinner at Cheesecake Factory, and after that traffic had cleared up enough that we made it home in a normal amount of time.

I’ve been surprisingly unemotional about everything. I think I’ve prepped myself for so long that I would do whatever testing was needed if I was able to get pregnant, that I’m… prepared?? for this? I’ve actually found that my emotions have been pretty steady through my pregnancy so far. Other than about my test results, and today when I was talking to my acupuncturist about amnio, I haven’t cried. I’m not sure why I’m not more upset about everything, but I’ll take all the calm I can get.

Oh, so our great weekend staycation that I wrote about, where we went to visit shelter cats and get pie? Well, apparently we brought home a nasty cat cold from the shelter. For the last two weeks our cats have taken turns being sick, and it is so sad and pathetic. It started with Chairman Meow, who was sneezing and lethargic one week after we’d had our visit to the shelter. Two days later Kitten started sneezing and hiding out while he slept. Two days after that Lucky came down with it, and Zoey was the final victim with her symptoms starting a day after Lucky. I feel terrible because we’re the reason they’re sick- we visited other cats. Also, we don’t keep them vaccinated past their first year because their indoor only. Chairman and Kitten are on the mend, while Lucky and Zoey are still in the thick of it. So far they’ve continued to eat and drink at least a little, and no one has lost any weight, so we haven’t decided if we’ll take anyone to the vet. Maybe Lucky if he’s not better tomorrow, just because he’s an older cat.

On 10/02 hubby and I went out to a fancy dinner to celebrate 8 years of marriage. It has most definitely not been easy. Infertility puts a real strain on relationships, but I think we’ve weathered this pretty well together, and there is no one else I’d rather have by my side.

Keep your fingers crossed for a successful amnio, and I’ll try to update while I’m on bedrest.

I Think I Found the Other Shoe

During my pregnancy, I’ve often been left feeling like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. I mean, at 13 weeks pregnant- things have been going really well.

• Betas rose quickly
• Found out we’re having twins
• Twins growth has been on track
• No bleeding or cramping
• Mild nausea
• No weight gain
• Mild fatigue

Last Tuesday we had our appointment with a perinatologist for NT scan. I did not like the dr at all, she was grumpy and blunt, and didn’t listen to me. She asked if I was homozygous or heterozygous for my clotting disorder. I carry two copies of the gene, but I get these terms mixed up, so I told her the wrong thing, and when I later tried to correct myself, she didn’t listen. So, in her report she recommends that I go off of the blood thinners, all because I used the term heterozygous. So, I get to explain that to my OB at my first appointment- which should be fun. She also listed every complication I could have with twins and told me that I had a long road ahead of me. Thanks for nothing. Luckily, I will not be using this practice, so this should be my only appointment with the grumpy dr.

The good news is, right after this I had an appointment with my RE and the results of the NT scan were fine. Nothing concerning for either baby. We also did an ultrasound and the babies were being adorable; Baby B was rubbing his face, and Baby A was moving like crazy. I was sad that this was probably the last time I would be at their office, but am so grateful that I switched to such a wonderful doctor.

So, that other shoe I mentioned- it has to do with my NIPT results. First, they were delayed because on the forms the drs office forgot to mark twins. We fixed that, and two days later I got my results, which was NO RESULTS!! After panicking and believing that something must be wrong with both babies, I calmed myself down a bit. Maybe it had to do with my weight? Or blood thinners? I decided to talk to the company to see if I could get some answers. So on Friday I talked to their genetic counselor.

It turns out that No Results has nothing to do with any factors such as weight or medications. In fact, they could’t even get to the point in testing where those things could become an issue because they could not get enough information from my sample. However, they do not recommend a retest because they will likely get the same results. There are a few reasons that this could happen

• There is too much similarity between the maternal and fetal DNA
• There is an issue with the maternal DNA
• Babies are Mosaic
• Babies have something going on that is outside the scope

Since both babies seem to be growing on track and the NT came back normal, for now I’m running under the assumption that it must be an issue with my chromosomes. Specifically, my inverted 21st chromosome. However, this is not enough reassurance for me so we’re running another blood test with a different company, and have already scheduled a consult for Amnio at one of the best hospitals in CA at my REs suggestion. Hopefully we won’t need to do Amnio because it scares the living daylights out of me, but I can’t handle the idea of not doing further testing, and finding out when it’s too late that one of the babies has an issue. So, the other shoe has dropped, and it sucks.

To distract ourselves, Hubby and I had an awesome weekend visiting local towns, eating delicious food, and spending lots of time socializing shelter cats. It helped a bit, but I’m still feeling so lost right now.

Almost 12 weeks!

It’s been awhile since I last updated, but I feel like there isn’t too much to report. Which is amazing. I cannot believe that my first trimester is almost over, and all I’ve experienced are sore breasts, some tiredness, food (and smell) aversions, and mild nausea. After how difficult my infertility journey has been, I expected it to carry into a pregnancy, and everything going so well has left me feeling like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Last Thursday we had our 10 week ultrasound. Both babies were measuring at 10w5d (I was technically 10w4d, so…perfect). Baby A had a HR of 163, and B had a HR of 175. Baby A wiggled a bunch during the first part of the ultrasound, and while Baby B didn’t move much at first, he made a big show of kicking his legs before the ultrasound was through. We also did the blood work for our genetic test, the Panorama Prenatal Screen.

The PA is the one who did our ultrasound, so unfortunately this ultrasound produced the worst photos to date. You can kind of tell that the babies are equal parts head and body, but that’s about it. We haven’t received the results of our genetic test yet, but I’ve received conflicting information about the tests ability to detect gender in twins from the PA and the company website. The company says that they can tell the gender of each twin. The PA said that it wouldn’t be able to detect if there was one boy or two, just if there was an Y chromosome. All X chromosomes means that the twins are girls. I tend to believe the PA, but I still hope she is wrong because I don’t want to wait longer any longer than I need to in order to find out what we’re having.

I’m refusing to think too much about the genetic portion of the testing, because I don’t want to consider the choice that I know we will make if there is something detected on the blood work, which is confirmed by the nuchal scan, and, if necessary, CVS. The nuchal scan is scheduled for this coming Tuesday, 9/11. Hopefully the fact that both babies are measuring similarly means that they are both healthy and that nothing is wrong.

As I said in the beginning of this post, I have had a pretty easy pregnancy so far. I’ve learned that eating every 3ish hours helps minimize my nausea. If I wait too long to eat, my nausea increases and stays elevated for at least 24 hours. I’ve almost throw up twice while brushing my teeth, so I’ve learned to be careful when preforming this daily task. I’m particularly sensitive to smells which I already hated pre-pregnancy, including rotting citrus and iron. I can hardly stand to eat any sort of nut, and also do not like Mexican food (but Taco Bell is ok) I think because I ate so much of these things early on in my pregnancy. I have days where nothing sounds good to eat, but once I figure out something that doesn’t sound gross, I absolutely need to eat it.

I have yet to gain any weight, but I haven’t lost any more either. However, I am already wearing a Belly Band full time, and have been for about a week. My pants still button, but the sensation of the waist band is uncomfortable, so I’m all Belly Band all the time. I’m not showing yet though, so no maternity tops or pants for me yet.

Hubby seems to be getting more excited about the pregnancy. Just tonight, he was asking what we should do with the room that will become our nursery. I’m thinking a forest-to-sea theme, so that we can both have the themes we imagined, but we’ll play with that some more and see what we decide. He has also been super helpful around the house, and even took yesterday off work to clean the house and clean up around the yard.

He still doesn’t like talking too much about the babies, and I think tomorrow night will be difficult for him because it’s my parents 50th wedding anniversary party, and most of those attending already know that we’re expecting. My mom was so excited that she spilled the beans to anyone who asked how I was doing. I’m absolutely fine with everyone knowing, but hubby is going to hate having all the extra attention focused on us. Hopefully it won’t be as bad as he’s expecting, and hopefully if we get our test results tomorrow they will come back clear. I’d hate to have anything hanging over my head on my parents special night.

Well, I took today off to bake and decorate four dozen cupcakes for the party, and I’m exhausted tonight! I’m going to listen to my body and get into bed before 9:00pm. Thank you to everyone for your continued support, I am so grateful for each of you. *hugs*

A Little Wiggle

I’ve fallen a bit behind on my blogging, for no other reason then I was exhausted last week. However, things are still going well.

Last Wednesday hubby and I again got up early to make the 90 minute drive to Dr. A’s office. Once I was in the exam room, Dr. A came in to do my ultrasound. I was pretty glad that he would be doing it, as the last time the PA had difficulty locating Baby B. Well, both babies made themselves instantly visible. Both were measuring 8w6d, which was 3 days ahead of how far along I was. Baby A had a hr of 168, and Baby B’s hr was 171. While we were listening to Baby A’s hr, she gave a little wiggle. The type of movement reminded me of a chrysalis when the butterfly is going to emerge. Seeing that made me grin from ear to ear.

On the drive home, hubby said a few things that made me feel instantly better. I still had the feeling that he wasn’t entirely buying into the pregnancy, since he hasn’t told anyone, but what he said made those fears go away.

1. He asked that I send him copies of all of the ultrasound photos.
2. He thinks that we should start making a baby book for each baby. This will include ultrasound photos, and notes about their growth, etc. he emphasized that each baby needs to have his/her own book.

Our next steps are to go back for our 10 week ultrasound on Aug 30. At that time we will also do the genetic testing, and will hopefully have the results within a week. After that, on Sept 11 we see a perinatologist for nuchal scan, and then immediately go to Dr. A’s office to review the results. I’m hoping everything is fine because these babies seem to be growing perfectly.

I’m feeling pretty ok still. Last week I had a few days of reprieve from the nausea, but that quickly disappeared. I’m back to feeling carsick all day and only being able to eat little bits at a time. I’ve had gluten a few times and more often than not it has settled ok with me, so that opens up some food options. However, I can’t handle food that is garlicky it has a strong flavor. I’ve also been exhausted, and made sure to take naps this past weekend. I did get up at 5:00 am to go to the gym this morning, where I told the instructor and two ladies in class who I like a lot that I am 9 weeks pregnant with twins. That was fun! Also interesting was that it felt…different, whenever I tightened my core. Things are definitely shifting.

Oh, one bit of drama did happen today. I’ve unfollowed my dad on FB awhile ago because our views on most things are polar opposites, and I find some of his posts offensive. Every once in awhile I go to his page to like… something, so that he doesn’t know that I don’t see his posts. Well today, I saw that he had posted something about the twins last week!! I immediately asked him to take it down, which he did, claiming that he didn’t know that the information wasn’t public. I told him that it won’t be public until 20 weeks, because that is my cutoff to stop worrying about miscarriage. Sweet that he’s excited, but he needs to wait for the official announcement!

So, for now, I and these two little babies I’m carrying inside of me are doing well.

Their first picture together

Let Me Hear Your Heartbeat

Hubby and I woke up early this morning to make the drive down to our REs office for my 7 week ultrasound. I was feeling optimistic, but a small part of me was still worried that one of the twins would have disappeared. Vanishing twin syndrome is terrifying to think about. We got there early enough to just sit for a few minutes before going up for the ultrasound. We took this time to go over some questions I had for Dr A, since last week I was too much in shock to ask anything.

The Physicians Assistant did my ultrasound, which was fine. She had no trouble finding Baby A, who was measuring 7w2d, and we got to hear the heartbeat. It really is amazing how soothing 160bpm can sound.

Then it was time to locate Baby B. It took over 3 minutes, and she had actually sent the tech out to get help from Dr A when she finally located it. During that time I was so scared that Baby B had disappeared, and I can’t explain the utter relief I felt when she located my naughtily little baby. Poor Baby B was either hiding, or being squished by Baby A. Baby B measures 7w1d, and has a heart rate of 144 bpm. I could tell from the ultrasound that Baby Bs heart rate was slower, and the PA was impressed

Once I was dressed I came out to ask my questions. They actually started talking about genetic testing before I could even ask, which was convenient since it was first on my list. I will come back for another ultrasound a 8 weeks, and then at 10 weeks we will do a blood test, which will test for genetic abnormalities in the twins. We will also get to find out their genders through the test. Then, at week 12, we will go in for Nuchal Fold testing with a perinatologist. After that, we will be released to an OB for the remainder of my pregnancy. I love that I already know all of the appointments for my first trimester.

I asked about sex (ok, just do an extra dose of progesterone afterward if I’m feeling paranoid), diet (I need to eat more because I lost 4 lbs last week), restrictions on travel (nothing of note). I will continue estradiol and progesterone through 12 weeks, and they will test my levels before telling me to stop. I should ask the perinatologist about when to stop blood thinners.

The entire week I have been wavering between feeling over the moon, and being completely terrified. I still can’t believe that there are TWO babies growing inside me right now. My symptoms haven’t been debilitating and haven’t changed much in the last week. The nausea has increased a bit, and this makes it difficult to eat. I can’t eat much at all before I feel full and sick- hence the weight loss. I’m going to try adding some high nutrition items to my diet to at least make the most of what I can stomach right now. As much as overweight me loves losing weight fast, I know this is not what is best for my babies.

I’m also switching up my beauty regime a bit, and trying to use products with more natural ingredients. In addition, I’ve gone back to the gym and am doing yoga 2-3x per week. I want to be healthy for these growing fetuses, and will do all that I can to give them the best chance at life.

I started using a sleep bra last night, and my boobs are so happy. I’m honestly a little terrified to see how big they’ll get, since I’m already a 40DDD. I’ll never see my toes again! I’ve had trouble staying asleep throughout the night, but adding an extra pillow so that I’m more elevated seems to have helped.

So, things are good. I can’t wait until next week when I get to see and hear my little miracles again!

P.s. My guess is that Baby A is a girl because she was so cooperative and her heart rate was higher, and Baby B is my little boy.

More Than Enough

I’ve felt so fortunate that my pregnancy symptoms have remained minimal so far. Sore breasts, twinging uterus, and a mildly nauseous, carsick feeling that lasts for most of the day. My appetite is minimal and I find it challenging to eat enough every day. I can’t eat too much or I feel sick, and I can’t eat after 8pm, or I wake up feeling awful in the middle of the night. What I do eat is healthy, whole food with no gluten or dairy, so hopefully that fact, combined with my prenatal vitamin, will be enough for now.

Hubby and I got up early this morning to drive the 90 minutes to Dr. A’s office for our 8:15am ultrasound. It was a quiet drive, as we were both exhausted, and nervous. I couldn’t wrap my brain around the fact that after all these years, I was carrying a life with a heartbeat in my body. We got to our appointment on time, and if I’m honest, I expected them to tell me that there had been a mistake. When they asked how I’d been feeling, I described my symptoms and said “I sure hope all this is because I’m pregnant.”

Dr. A had no trouble finding the… BABIES!!!! I’m pregnant with TWINS!!! As he took his measurements, I lay there, holding hubby’s hand, with tears running down into my ears. After everything, I’m not only pregnant, but there are TWO lives inside me right now!

Baby A is measuring ahead at 6w4d, and Baby B is right on track at 6w2d. I was able to see the flicker of their heartbeats, and for now, that was all Dr. A said matters. I made an appointment for my next ultrasound, which will be in a week. I hope we get to hear the heartbeats (heartBEATS!) next week. I’m happy to report that I can continue to see Dr. A until the end of my first trimester. I asked about genetic testing, and Dr. A said there is testing we can do with twins, so that took care of my biggest concern.

I must have said “holy crap” 50 times on the drive home. I’m still saying it in my head as I write this. Of course, the more I think about a multiple pregnancy, the more I worry, but I’m going to try to be an optimist for once. I’m going to believe that this will all work out, and in less than 8 months, I’ll be holding my babies.