FET 4 Part 2- Why Can’t Anything Be Easy!???

After my first attempt at FET #4 was cancelled in early December due to the California wildfires, I was really disappointed, but overall was still feeling ok. I attribute this feeling of peace to the fact that I had changed my eating habits leading up to this transfer, and felt great without dairy, gluten, and processed carbs as part of my daily diet. My mental headspace was better than it had been in years, and physically I felt pretty good. Suprisingly, I stuck to my eating plan until Christmas Eve, almost 2 weeks after the devastating news. I had lost 13 pounds in 6 weeks by this point, and was really proud. I’m a complete emotional eater, and the fact that I had avoided falling back on old habits was pretty amazing. However, once I allowed myself to eat “normally” for the holidays, it was over for the next two weeks and I ate whatever I wanted, gaining back much of the weight I had lost.

I’ve been eating healthily since Jan 7 and am only 2 pounds away from where I was before the holidays. It has been really, really challenging this round because things have… not been going easily leading up to this transfer. I want comfort, and food usually makes me feel better. However, I know what I’m feeling is absolutely is warranted, so I’m going to look out for myself and stick to my healthy eating.

Besides, it turns out that I am probably allergic to gluten. Since I was in my mid 20s I’ve had allergies that took the form of itching palms and feet, and hives if I went more than 24 hours without allergy medication. I’ve had allergy tests done, but they only tested for environmental factors. Since I’m allergic to some plants, pollen, and cats, I’ve been getting allergy shots, in addition to my daily dose of Allegra. Right before my cancelled transfer my acupuncturist suggested that I try going off of my allergy medication for the transfer, and mentioned that my symptoms sound like they could be food related. My allergist had never mentioned that this could be a possibility so I had no idea. Sure enough, I went off my allergy meds, and I did not have the symptoms any longer. I never would have connected the dots if it weren’t for my acupuncturist. I haven’t had to take any allergy meds except the days following when I allow myself to eat something containing gluten. It’s been a really good motivator to stay on track.

So, before my first attempt at this FET was cancelled, I had already decided that I was finally done with my RE. I have had so many bad experiences with him, but the next closest dr is 2 hours away, and I can’t imagine driving that far just for an ultrasound. However, when my drs staff threatened to cancel my cycle because they had a schedule change and couldn’t keep my scheduled appointment (they wanted me to come in at at time when I was due to visit 150 children at a school and had just confirmed my visit for the next day), I knew that making the drive would be better than dealing with him or his staff. When my FET was cancelled I was resigned to the fact that I would need to stick it out for one last transfer, even if I didn’t want to.

Luckily, within 3 days of my cancelled transfer I had a new treatment calendar for an FET on January 30 and was able to start my meds again. Since my dr does medicated cycles, there is no need to wait for my body to do anything. It’s pretty weird having everything controlled by medication, and feels pretty unnatural, but if my BC thins my lining as well aunt flo, who am I to complain?

Since I have a clotting disorder I need to be on blood thinners from a few days before my transfer until probably about 28 weeks, if I ever become pregnant. Well, my RE has had me on Heparin and I have had a really bad allergic reaction at the injection site both times, with swelling, redness, heat, hives, and unbelievable itching. I informed my RE about the symptoms after my July transfer, and he said that he wanted to put me on a new blood thinner. He did not change my medication for December, so I figured he must have felt that I would be ok trying the medication again. I had the same reaction, and so I let him know that I thought I needed to be put on a different medication.

He looked into it, and it turns out most blood thinners are just different forms of the same medication. Rather than risk that I would have the same reaction to a different form of the same thing, he is putting me on something entirely different. A blood thinner that cost $25 per day!!!!!!!!!! I naturally completely freaked out when I found out how expensive this medication is going to be, but my RE says it’s the only option he is comfortable with for me because repeat exposure to Heparin can worsen symptoms. He is optimistic that insurance will cover this medication once I’m pregnant, because at that point it is for the health of the pregnancy, and not for infertility treatment.

I’ve been frustrated though, because the pharmacy he is ordering this through and his office do not seem to be able to communicate. I need to start this medication on Jan 25, and the pharmacy says they have not yet received dosing information from his office, although his office says they have called it in. I’m starting to get nervous that this pattern will continue, and I will reach Jan 25 without the expensive-as-hell medication in hand.

Oh, and another cherry on top of an awesome FET prep… my RE recently moved office so he could make his old space into an embryo lab. Great right?! I don’t have to drive 2 hours for my transfer. His office is supposed to get the embryo lab in Santa Barbara to send me release forms so the embryos can be sent to his lab. But, it’s been 4 days and I still haven’t received anything. The timing of this change is terrible though. I can’t help but think if they had only started doing transfers out of his office last month, they wouldn’t have had to cancel my cycle. Also, if this transfer is unsuccessful and I want to see a new Dr, I will have to have my REs office send the embryos back to Santa Barbara. It’s never easy is it?

Despite these MAJOR frustrations, I’m holding it together pretty well. Yes, I feel like throwing something, but I’ve kept my cool and haven’t even cried (although I did come close when my mom called tonight). I know that there is nothing to do but be patient and hope that this time will finally be successful.



CANCELLED!- Two days to FET #4

I was working on a post about all of the lifestyle changes I’ve made. I wrote it under smoke clouded skies, feeling optimistic about my upcoming transfer. A lot has happened with my RE leading up to this FET, but I have made so many positive changes, and was feeling very relaxed and ready. And then, at 5:30pm last night, I received a call from my RE. My transfer, and all others, have been cancelled. The surgery center in Santa Barbara had to close due to intermittent power failures, and poor air quality from the fires in Ventura. It was too much of a risk to thaw embryos or do surgery when there was a chance that the power could fail and the backup generator could give out. If the air filters stopped working, any thawed embryos could be compromised. So, after everything, my FET has been cancelled.

I think I’m still numb. I received the news when hubby and I were at a friends house visiting her new foster kittens. We were outside going on a quick Pokemon Go walk when I received the call. I froze in place and listened to my RE tell me how sorry and frustrated he was, how he felt especially bad for me because of how much I’ve been through, but that it was out of his hands. He said he will create a new treatment calendar as soon as possible.

After the phone call we spent hours cuddling the kittens and talking. I mostly just listened and played with the kittens, and was surprised to find that I wasn’t crying, or angry. I was disappointed, but after the fires started last week I had a sinking feeling that they might affect our ability to go through with this FET. With how many blows we have been dealt in the past few years, I didn’t trust it when everything seemed to be going so right leading up to this transfer.

So, at this point all that I know is that I will definitely not be pregnant before the end of 2017, and that for the next while things are out of my hands. I’m doing my best to be ok with that, because there really isn’t any other choice.



Prepping for FET #4

So, apparently I’ve become a quarterly blogger. Thanks to anyone who has stuck with me and is reading this. We’re well underway in our prep for FET #4, which is scheduled for Tuesday, December 12.

In August, my RE did a biopsy to test for the presence of Natural Killer Cells, and the results came back normal. In October, he did another biopsy for an Endometrial Receptivity Array which would test if the timing of my FET needed to be adjusted, and the results of this were normal as well. As much as I long to be normal in most areas of my life, I was disappointed in these results. I wanted something we could work with. Instead, we just get to try another FET with no real changes. But, we do get a hefty price tag. Between lab fees and dr’s fees, the two biopsies cost over $2700. For no real results. Yea, I’m not bitter AT ALL!!!!

Well, I guess it isn’t fair to say that no changes were made- my BC for this round was progesterone based- and I hated it. My face broke out, I felt constantly overheated, and I had to wash my hair every day because I woke up to an oil slick each morning. My last dose was last night and I’m so glad it’s over. But, it did a better job at controlling my bleeding (I was having a period despite my Loestrin), so that’s good.

Also, my Dr did an endometrial scratch on Thursday, and this is the first cycle we’ve done this. At least this is covered under my Mini IVF pre-paid plan. It was pretty much the same procedure as the biopsies, and so I knew what to expect (cramping and some pain during, bleeding immediately after, and spotting for the rest of the day).

It has been a rough few months, and I can’t go in to some of it, but those around me are definitely sensing an “when it rains, it pours” theme in my life right now. Yet, I’m doing ok. After over 6 years of TTC, I’ve finally gained some strength, as well as the ability to not freak out over every little thing. If much of what has happened in the last few months had happened prior to 2010, I’d be running around like the Little Red Hen screaming “the sky is falling”. Now, I allow myself a day to freak out about whatever it is, and then I have to find a way to move forward.

For example, I was supposed to start Lupron on 11/14. I ordered my meds from the UK in the beginning of November, and as of 11/13 it had not arrived. I had to call the dr and luckily they had some on hand, so I had hubby get that for me and I was able to start my med on time. Then, when the package was finally supposed to be delivered (over a week late), the postal worker didn’t ring the bell and we missed the package. Thus ensued a chase all over town to find the package, which was finally delivered to my work on Friday.

I decided that since the Dr isn’t making any real changes for my FET prep, I’m going to make a positive change I can control and change my eating habits. My dr had suggested I do South Beach phase 1 when I first started seeing him, but I was so stressed out over everything IF related I couldn’t do it. I relied on food for comfort, and justified that I needed it. Well, as of one week ago I’ve cut out processed carbs and dairy (someone mentioned this might be similar to Paleo?). I’m still allowing fruit and starchy veggies, and I’m not calorie counting, instead I’m only eating when I’m hungry. I’m really enjoying this eating style, I feel good physically, and my moods have leveled out. I’d become pretty lactose intolerant over the last year, and my stomach is remarkably happy with no dairy. I also have more energy, and I don’t have guilt about what I’m eating. I dropped 5.5 lbs in the first week. I’m allowing myself to eat normally for the holidays and associated events, but the rest of the time I’m going to stick with this, mostly because of how good I feel.

I’ve also started going to the gym more regularly. I had to cut out working out from July-October because of a flare up of unexplained swelling in the Plantar nerve in the arch of my left foot. It’s better now, and I’m trying to get to the gym every other day for either a weight class or some time plodding along on a treadmill. I’m tempted to try a Spin class, but so far I have’t worked up the courage to sign up.

Mostly, I’m trying to feel hopeful. On Facebook this week someone asked what was the one thing we wanted for Christmas, and I posted a GIF of a baby. This is someone who is aware of our IF struggles, but still, that comment is out there for anyone to see and I feel proud. I also read a quote this last week in one of my favorite books Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor

With this in mind I bought a wishbone necklace to replace the one that was stolen when our house was broken into two years ago. I plan to wear this every day until the transfer, so that I can physically hold on to that hope whenever I need an anchor in the weeks to come.

This transfer falls around the same time as my first transfer two years ago. Although that transfer ended in a chemical pregnancy, the results better than my last two transfers where the embryos didn’t take at all. So, maybe there is something to this time of year, and maybe, just maybe, 4 can become my new lucky number.


I had my EMB (yup, apparently someone in the office used the wrong acronym and I wasn’t having an ERA) last Friday. I went in to the office with a full bladder and some dread because of the expected pain. However, I was feeling optimistic too, because some of you remind me that an ERA was the game changer for you. Hubby drove me to the appointment, but he was asked to stay in the waiting room.

When I got into the room the dr mentioned the term EMB, and I asked if that was the same as an ERA. Nope. They were doing a biopsy alright, but it was to test for NK (natural killer cells). Before the procedure the dr numbed me with lidocaine, and while it was weird to be kind of numb down there, I was grateful for it. 

While the anesthetic took hold, he explained that he likes to do this test first, and then an ERA, if needed, at another time. Both tests require estrogen and progesterone, but the EMB requires these things for two days longer. They can’t do the tests in the same cycle because having biopsies two days apart messes with the latter procedure’s test results.

After I was good and numb the dr went in to remove some tissue. Even being numb it was REALLY uncomfortable. However, the procedure was pretty quick, and the worst of the cramping was gone in about 10 minutes.

The rest of the day hubby and I spent relaxing, and battling gyms in Pokémon Go. I had some residual cramping and spotting, but it wasn’t too bad.

I’d started my estrogen on day one of my cycle which stopped AF in her tracks, and by Saturday my body decided it was time to resume AF, so I’ve been dealing with that all week. I got a message from the dr on Tues that my biopsy showed only 9% of NK cells, which is on the low end, and a good thing. My body isn’t fighting implantation. But… we’re no closer to an answer as to why my FETs aren’t working.

At this point my dr wants to do an ERA in my next cycle, so I should start meds for that in under a month. Then, the month before my FET he will do an endometrial scratch, in hopes that it will increase the chances of implantation.

I’ve never considered myself a patient person. I used to love the saying “patience is a virtue (and I don’t have it)”, but I can no longer relate to this statement. With infertility there is really no choice but to be patient and let go of control. You will either get pregnant or you won’t. Things will either work out as you’ve hoped, or you’ll need to find a new plan. There really isn’t much you can do to guarantee anything related to IF. You can stress and get angry, but it won’t help. It’s taken me almost 3 years to get to this point, but it has really helped with my mental state. I’m frustrated, but still calm. And, dare I say it, I’m still hopeful.

FET #3- Failed Embryo Transfer

I had decided that for my third FET I was going to try something new. My first, and especially my second FET had involved many people whom I was updating at every step of the way. For my 3rd FET I decided to keep things small and just focus on my mental health during the process.

I was able to get in all of my acupuncture visits, as well as regular therapy appointments. My meds were fine, and I’ve gotten to the point where I could almost do the whole FET prep in my sleep.

The day of my appointment hubby and I tried to make as fun as possible. We went to breakfast before making the 90 minute drive to the surgery center for the procedure. This time I knew to get my bladder full before arriving, so I brought a few water bottles, as well as my reusable tumbler because I tend to drink more liquids if I drink through a straw. When we got there my bladder was good, so we were actually taken back for the appointment a bit early (the person who was scheduled at that time didn’t have a full bladder yet).

The rooms where they do the transfers are so small, and every time I’m in awe of how many people can fit into such a small space. The embryos looked great and the transfer went really well. 

Afterward hubby and I went to an ice cream parlor, and then to a cat cafe where we got to spend 75 minutes hanging out with some adorable cats and kittens (the picture for this post is two of the cats from the cat cafe). I slept on the drive home, and we had a relaxing evening at home with our cats.

The next week passed rather quickly. My blood draw was scheduled for a Thursday and I work until 8pm that day each week, so I made sure my drs office knew to call hubby with the results, which he would tell me once I got home from work.

I took an EPT on Wed and it was negative, but I still had some hope that the transfer had worked. In the end I’m glad that I saw the negative test the day before my blood draw, because when I got home Thurs night hubby let me knew that the transfer hadn’t worked.

The tears didn’t come right away. I got ready for bed, called work to let them know I wouldn’t be in on Friday, then crawled into bed with hubby and cried. At one point he asked if I was ok. Instead of answering I looked at him and asked the same question. His answer was no, and so was mine.

I’ve gotten used to the idea that the transfers might not work, but it is still devastating every time. I am surprised that it seems to be getting easier though. I haven’t cried nearly as much as after my second failed FET, and my mood has mostly been ok.

To add insult to injury, I developed an allergic reaction to my Heparin this round. The injection sites became red and itchy about a week in, and even after stopping the injections I had an area of raised, red, itchy skin for a week on both sides of my lower belly, each about the size of a softball. Thank goodness that has finally started to heal as it was a constant, miserable reminder of my failed transfer. 

My dr has decided that before my next FET he wants to try to figure out why my seemingly healthy embryos aren’t implanting. I’m scheduled to do a ERA, or Endometrial Receptivity Analysis on Fri, Aug 11. This test is done by a simple biopsy of the uterine lining. Apparently they are able to tell from this if they are transferring at the wrong time, such as too early or too late. A friend had actually brought this test to my attention over a year ago, but I never thought that I would need it. I’m just glad that they’re trying to figure out what’s not working instead of just trying the same thing again.

So, that’s about all that’s going on. I’ll try to update with my ERA results. Hopefully one of our 5 remaining embryos will take and I can finally experience a successful FET.

Utter Relief

Last Monday I went to therapy expecting my usual session. I would tell her how awful I had been feeling about my failed FET, and we would talk about adoption, and maybe spend some time on how my mom has been reacting to my news. We did go over all of that, but my therapist said a few things that caused something amazing to happen.

She asked me if I’ve been feeling alone, and I said I have, although it was hard to pinpoint why since I have such a supportive husband. She also asked what my hubby thought about the decision not to adopt, and I said I figured he was supportive, although as usual he didn’t actually say much. All of this made me realize that I really didn’t know how hubby was doing or what he was feeling. I knew he was supportive of me, but maybe I hadn’t been communicating with him very well.

So, when I got home I asked hubby what his thoughts were on adoption. I told him to disregard anything I had said and my feelings, and asked if he wanted to adopt. He said that he did. That he really wants to be a father. Honestly, I had no idea that it was important to him. He never said anything to me about it, and was never interested in other people’s kids.

I asked him why he hadn’t said anything, or mentioned any of this when I’ve poured my heart out to him in the past. And his answer, my friends, I think qualifies him as the best husband in the world. He said that he didn’t want to tell me how much he wanted kids because he did not want me to carry that guilt if I’m not able to conceive.

We talked some more about adoption, and I told him why I’m so worried about it. Not just the difficulties of raising an adopted child, but also the cost, the home inspections (our house is currently a construction zone), and the fact that receiving a baby is not a guarantee that you will get to raise that child since the birth mom has up to a year to change her mind. He said that all of my reasoning sounded logical, and that I was probably right. But, adoption is back on the table for now.

Somehow, I had gotten it into my head that my husband didn’t care if we ever had children. So, in essence I was doing all of the IF treatments for myself, so that I could have a child- not so that we could be parents. I didn’t even realize that I’d come to this conclusion until last week. But, thinking back, I’ve felt this way for a really long time. I’ve been so exhausted because I’ve felt entirely alone.

I don’t feel alone anymore, and I can’t begin to describe how great that feels. Yes, there is the fear that if we cannot have a child, I will be letting down myself and my husband. But, we will get through it together, because I now know that we both want the same thing. I feel a renewed sense of purpose, and I have the energy to move forward.

FET #2- Aware of My Infertility

I got the call this afternoon that my beta came back negative. The transfer didn’t work. I’m not pregnant- again. For those of you who have been there, you know the heartbreak and devastation. The hopelessness.

I was on desk at work when I got the call (it came through on my watch so I picked up my cell in the back office). All of my coworkers were at lunch at the time, so I had to continue to hold it together for another 20 minutes. As soon as my coworker S came back from her break and saw my face, she knew I’d gotten bad news. I’d already decided that I was going home as soon as I could because I was in need of a breakdown.

I got home and completely lost it. Like, crying so hard I couldn’t even breathe. Now I’m just sitting here feeling… numb. And oh so aware of my Infertility, just in time for Infertility Awareness week.

I’m aware of my Infertility:

  • When I see the moms who come into my library going through their second or even third pregnancies while I have yet to become a mother.
  • When I think of taking my sharps containers to the pharmacy.
  • When I look at all the bruises I sustained this cycle.
  • When my guest room doesn’t change into a nursary.
  • When I don’t get a child tax credit, but do get a tax break because my medical expenses are more than 10% of my income.
  • When I see my sagging belly and feel my feet widening, and know it’s from age, not from pregnancy.
  • When I see the pregnancy announcements, birth announcements, and proud pictures from parents on social media.
  • When coworkers talk about their kids or grandkids.
  • When I realize that without a little one, my house is empty, and so is a part of my heart.
  • When I grapple with the idea that no matter what we do, there is a chance we will never become parents.
  • When hubby buys a new car, and we mention that there would be room for twins, but neither of us believing that could happen.
  • When I grapple again to try to move past my heartbreak and prepare myself to go through this all over again.

FET #2: The Capuchin Transfer

Just look in the right-hand side of that picture! It totally looks like a little Capuchin monkey face! 

Finally, finally I’ve had another FET!! After a year and a half we transferred two embryos on Tuesday. The transfer went rather smoothly, and wasn’t painful, which was a nice change from my first transfer.

Hubby and I woke up at 6:00am so he could administer my PIO 4 hours before my scheduled transfer time of 10:00am. After my heparin, cronine gel, and other meds, I was ready to hit the road. I actually bothered to dress normally for the day of my transfer. Usually for my retrievals, and for my last transfer as well, I go with my hair pulled back and wearing yoga pants and a t-shirt. I decided to do things a bit differently this time and wore a nicer top, jeans, straightened my hair, and did my makeup. I wanted to look my best to meet my embies (ridiculous, I know!).

After getting gas (and McDonald’s breakfast) for the 90 minute drive, we were on our way. It was drizzling, and people in California can never seem to remember how to drive in the rain. About halfway to the surgery center we had a police officer slow down traffic in front of us, and about a mile after that there was a really bad accident with a car upside down off of an embankment. The aforementioned police officer was responding to that accident, so we were able to get past it rather quickly.

We got to my appointment at the requested time of 9:15, and I had drank 40oz of liquid while in the car. My bladder didn’t feel full, but with that much liquid I figured it must have been fuller than it felt. At 9:45 they took me back to check my bladder, and it wasn’t nearly full enough, so they handed me two 20oz bottles of water and told me to start drinking. I drank most of it in about 10 minutes, and literally felt like the water was going to come gushing back up my throat. And I still didn’t feel like I had to pee. The dr arrived at 10:15 (he’d gotten caught in the traffic from the accident), and his nurse Debbie, who I love, suggested I start pacing to see if that could get things moving a bit more. After 15 minutes of pacing they called me back at 10:30. I still didn’t feel an urgent need to go, but the ultrasound revealed that my bladder was “perfect”.

Hubby and I got into our gowns, and I stripped down from the waist down (but kept on my lucky owl socks from TMM). I was given a picture of our embies, and to me they looked perfect. My dr doesn’t ever talk about embryo grades, so I don’t have that info, but the looked like they were pretty well dividing.

IMG_3252 2.JPG

They double checked my name bracelet and had me sign some paperwork, and then the dr was in the office, the speculum and catheter were inserted (with no pain!!), and before I knew it my two embies were safely in my uterus. I lay on the bed for 15 minutes, and then was allowed to pee and be on my way.

By this time we were ready for lunch, so we went to one of our favorite restaurants to split a burger and share a dessert.

Then we went drove home and went to our local urgent care. On Monday I was moving some furniture at work, and my hand was in the wrong place and got pinched between the heavy wooden desk we were moving and the metal door frame. It immediately went numb, and then the side of my finger swelled to twice it’s size within minutes. A day later the site of the impact was still numb, and most the back of my hand felt like it was asleep. After an hour wait we were finally called back, and the urgent care dr pretty much just turned around, saying that I shouldn’t use my own money for anything related to this and needed to see a workman comp dr. I did see a work dr on Wed, and they took X-rays and said my hand should be fine, but to come back next week if the numbness persists. It hasn’t gone away yet, but at least the numbness has localized to the bruise on my finger.

Pic on the left is from Monday night, and the pick on the right is from today.

After the appointment we went home and I took a nap with cats, then we spent the evening binge watching Game of Thrones. It was actually a really good day.

I’ve continued to feel entirely calm about everything. I’m officially halfway through my 6 day wait, and my beta is scheduled on Monday. I only had a minor bit of anxiety today when I imagined trying to get through my work day if my beta is negative, but I have supportive co-workers and I’m sure I’ll be fine.

Oh, before I finish, I have to mention again how much I HATE heparin. The bruising at the areas where I’m injecting are getting terrible. The bruise on the left side of my belly isn’t too bad, but the right side is about 4x the size, and it itches.

Well, wish me luck for a calm weekend. Tomorrow we’re participating in our local Science March, and are having some friends over for dinner. Sunday we plan to drive to see a few used cars in hopes of replacing hubby’s truck. I’ll test on Monday before work, and should have an update on Monday night.

Have a lovely weekend! *hugs*

FET- One Week Away

Hi all, I know it has been forever. I know I’m constantly saying that I’ll blog more. But, I’ve come to realize that blogging is no different than when I tried to keep a journal growing up. I suck at it. But, I wanted to try writing up a brief update, both for my own records, and in case anyone is curious what has been happening in my life.

We’ll start with the most obvious choice- infertility. After what feels like forever (and I guess 6 months is a hell of a long wait), my FET is Tuesday, April 18 @11:00am. Everything has been going well, all my ultrasounds have been good, and the meds have been kind to me. Just hot flashes and a bit of moodiness from the estrogen. I start PIO and Heparin on Thursday. I’ve been told to ice for 15 minutes before and after the Heparin, which would be inconvenient with my normal morning routine of going to the gym and then dashing around to get out of the house on time. However, this won’t be an issue if the FET is a success, and I won’t need the Heparin if the FET doesn’t work.

I can’t articulate how I’m feeling about everything. I feel like I should be worried, but I’m not. I did ask my RE about taking something such as a valium before the transfer, but he said he doesn’t like his patients to be on meds. I trust him, so I told him I’ll try it again with nothing this round, but if it’s as bad as my transfer of Dec 2015, I’m going to insist on meds if we have to do this again. He agreed. I’ve also decided to just go with the drs timeline, which means early beta. Whatever will be, will be, and I’m letting go of any illusion of control. I’ll be fine. But dear god I hope it works out this time.

Hubby and I have been tirelessly working on our yard. Our fence fell down in January, an we’ve had to rebuild a retaining wall before we could put up a new fence. Both projects are done and we now have a fence along the back of our property. Now to build fences on both sides of the back yard, landscape, and then build ranch fencing and landscape the front yard. Oh, and install gutters. Oh, and replace our flooring inside. Once the projects start they never seem to let up. We were married for 6 years and ignored all of the pending projects, and now it’s crunch time. But, we’ll be fine, and I can never say that I don’t have anything to do.

My friend visited in the beginning of March. I’ve mentioned her on a number of occasions, and was really nervous about her visit. Partly because she’s pregnant and just dating someone. I don’t usually like being wrong, but I was very wrong about how this weekend turned out. It was great! She was happier and more calm than I’ve ever seen her. Her boyfriend was incredibly nice, and the whole weekend was enjoyable. It probably helped that earlier in the week before they visited, she and I had a talk and she asked me how I would like her to handle telling me about things related to her pregnancy. I was shocked and moved that she’d brought it up. I suggested that she let me bring up the topic, and she agreed.

So, a lot going on, but it’s all good. I’ll do my best to update after my FET, but if I don’t, I expect I’ll be writing another entry when I found out my beta results. *hugs* to everyone.

Wait for Transfer- an Update

I need to stop taking such long breaks between posts- so much has happened and it’s hard to keep track. I’m going to break up this post into sections to make sure I cover everything:

Polyp Removal

On Jan 9 I had my consult with my OB for polyp removal. I figured I would have to wait awhile for surgery, but I was able to get scheduled for a uterine polyp removal on Jan 19. The waiting period passed quickly, and before I knew it I was walking into the hospital for my surgery.

A spot of bright news is that this was mostly covered by insurance, so after deductible the cost was less than $700. This was the first time I’ve had an IV, and the first time I’ve been put under for a surgery. The only other time I’ve been under anesthesia is for dental work, which is an entirely different experience. For my polyp surgery the IV felt odd and I was afraid to move my hand, and when they finally gave me the anesthesia I was out cold within seconds. I woke to a lot of bleeding, but very little pain. The bleeding lasted for about 5 days, but it was hard to distinguish what was actually from surgery because my period had started the day before surgery. I had my two week follow up and although she didn’t do an ultrasound, she said it seemed like I was fine and I was released.

On a side note I’ve decided to find another OB. In the past I’ve only dealt with the NP for this practice and she was ok but not great, and I had the same feeling about the Dr. She seemed to just be going through the motions, and I need someone who is going to be a bit more involved.

Post-Easter Transfer

The same day that I was released by my OB, I got a call from my REs office. They have scheduled my transfer for April 18. Fortunately I was already expecting a long wait, so I wasn’t TOO upset about the delayed schedule. I started BC on Feb 15, and will continue this until Mar 20. Then I’ll start Lupron, and work up to my other meds in April. It’s a long wait, but I’m hopeful that it will be worth it.

KM- Welcome Baby Luke

Two days before my polyp removal I received a text from my friend KM. It was a picture of her new son. I’m so ecstatic for her because she has been through so much to have a second child. She and I had been texting the night before, and apparently about an hour after I fell asleep she started having contractions. By the time she got to the hospital, she was fully in labor and had her son 40 minutes later.

I went to visit her last weekend and got to meet baby Luke. He is incredibly adorable, and one of the sweetest, most calm babies I’ve encountered. The weekend also included watching her 5 year old son Evan in his first ever dance competition. One of the darn cutest things I’ve ever seen!!

CA Storms

If you aren’t living in a cave, you’re probably aware that we’ve had some massive storms hit in the state of California. Most states can handle this sort of weather, but in CA our weather is so temperate, and thus storms like this cause a lot of damage. Personally, we had our fence fall down in a storm in late January. Also, our front window has been leaking into the wall. Luckily we had refinanced with the fencing expense in mind back in December, so we’re slowly chipping away at rebuilding a fence around our entire property. Goodbye free weekends. However, with stories of trees falling on cars and houses, sinkholes, mudslides, and flooding, I’m grateful that the storm has only given us some minor inconveniences.

Why her!???!

You may remember me talking about a friend in my last entry. Someone who was once a close friend, who I have had a difficult relationship over the last few years. In November she revealed that she and her boyfriend of one year were TTC and had just experienced a miscarriage. Well, in January she reveled to me, by way of a picture of a positive pregnancy test, that she’s expecting. She had her first ultrasound last week and she sent me a picture. The baby is doing fine. I’m trying to be happy for her, but it’s really hard. Part of me wants to say something about how seeing positive tests and ultrasounds are painful for me, but I don’t know where to start or if it’s even possible to say this without sounding like an asshole.

Gym Pact

After getting off to a great start in the fall, I completely fell of the bandwagon for working out. I’d gone over a month without entering the gym when Hubby asked if it would be easier for me if he went with me to the gym. I enthusiastically answered yes, and starting last week we are now getting up at 5:15am together to go to the gym. I participate in classes while he goes to the machine area and works on cardio and strength training. It’s much easier having a partner in my workout endeavors.


On Jan 21 we participated in our local women’s march, and it was an amazing experience. It’s been hard to remain positive when so many awful things have happened in the past month. It has also become increasingly awkward to be around my conservative parents. It’s like there’s an elephant in the room every time we get together, and I hate feeling like I have to walk on eggshells to avoid a political debate. I cannot understand how they can be supportive of this administration, but nonetheless they are wholeheartedly embracing the sweeping changes which are taking place. It kind of breaks my heart, and I’m having trouble getting over my disappointment in them.

So again, not an incredibly positive update, but at least things are progressing.